Kitchen Disaster
by CupofTeaforAliceandHatter
Summary: "What on Gaia is going on in here? I thought I heard a crash!" Tifa flung open the door...Read to find out just what Yuffie and Reno have done. Review Please!


**EXCLAIMER: OWN NOTHING TO MY NAME! How sad! :_;**

**This is a little different from what I've written in the past! One-shot Warning: Lot of OOC. **

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"I'm putting you in charge of slicing up the vegetables. Think you can handle it?" She raised her eyebrow at him and smirked as she watched him study the knife intently.

"No problem." He replied as he set it down on the stretch of counter that was to serve as his workstation. He heard Yuffie rummaging around in the refrigerator for the necessary ingredients. She cheered triumphantly as she found everything a salad called for then filled her arms.

"Here." She said as she placed the ingredients in front of him: Leaf lettuce, spinach greens, a cucumber, two carrots, two tomatoes and several radishes. "Chop all of this stuff up and place it in that bowl." She gestured to the table where a large glass bowl sat waiting. "While you're doing that I'm going to see what Tifa planned on cooking tonight." She spotted the faded leather cookbook on the stove and flipped through it until she found a page clearly marked. Tifa had been planning on making an old family recipe Crab meat sushi, one of her favorites._ 'Let's see here, the recipe calls for short grain white rice, rice vinegar, sugar, dry sherry, salt, avocado, lemon juice, toasted nuts, a cucumber, crab meat, , and soy sauce. Gee, I never knew there were so many things that went into it!'_ She rummaged around the kitchen for several minutes hunting down all the components and spread them in front of her sighing heavily. She wasn't sure she could do it, since being faced with a large and seemingly complicated task, and she swore never to take advantage of Tifa's cooking again.

She glanced quickly in Reno's direction and frowned. So far he had taken one slice out of a carrot and was now holding the remainder of the vegetable between his thumb and forefinger, staring at it intently. She rolled her eyes and focused on the recipe. She had a feeling that she would be making the salad as well. Let's see first take a large sieve and put the rice into it, running it under cold water until the water is clear. That seems easy enough. She rummaged in a cabinet and retrieved a sieve and tore the packet of rice open with her teeth. She dumped its contents inside and carried the entire thing over to the sink.

A mass of carrot pulp hurled in her direction and she gasped as it hit her in the chest. She turned on Reno and seethed. "Didn't I tell you to cut the carrots with a knife? Why did you use your night stick? That's just stupid."

Reno shrugged and cracked his knuckles in defiance. "This way is easier." He threw the cucumber into the air this time and proceeded to do the same thing, causing it to explode much like the carrot. Yuffie stifled a giggle.

"You know, you're making a huge mess!" She said smugly. "You've got carrot in your hair."

"...!" Reno combed his hand through his hair extracting the remains of what was once a carrot and looked at it smugly. He glanced at Yuffie and before she could protest, he flung the mess at her, hitting her in the face.

"Turkey!" Yuffie cried wiping it off with the back of her sleeve. "Cut it out!" She ducked as another handful of carrot pulp came racing towards her and scooped up a handful of rice. She tossed it in Reno's direction and pumped her fist in the air when it hit its mark. "Take that!"

Reno shook the rice out of his hair and onto the floor. In two steps he was at Yuffie's workstation debating on what to throw next. Something small and hard struck him in the back of the head and he grunted and whirled around to find Yuffie smirking and tossing a second radish in the air. "You know, this means war!" The radish in her hand whizzed past his ear and she ducked and crawled on her belly to the refrigerator. An array of various vegetables rained down upon his body and he could hear Yuffie cheer with a fist pumped in the air as they made contact. He smirked and continued on his way with a mischievous glint in his eyes._ 'She won't be cheering for long!'_ He snaked his way under the large kitchen table and paused for a moment safe from Yuffie's range and eyed his target. The ivory refrigerator gleamed and he smiled. _'Yuffie won't even know what hit her!'_ He silently counted to three and made a mad dash for the appliance and flung open the door. He grabbed the first thing he saw a carton full of eggs and sliced it open taking one out. Yuffie stared at horror at the object in his hand and backed away slowly. She recognized the determined look on his face. It was his game face, the face he always wore before plunging into battle and she shivered._ 'I'm in trouble now unless I can somehow talk him into a truce.'_ He picked up a single snowy egg and clutched it gently in his hand.

"Hey turkey-boy, wait a sec."

Grinning at her, Reno pulled back his arm as far as it could go and scanned her body, calculating where he should strike first. "...?"

"Think we can call this whole thing off, I mean we really don't have time for playing around like this." Yuffie tried to reason with him. She waved her hands, palms up in front of her as a gesture of peace and cocked her head to the side.

Reno smirked at her and dropped his arm to the side in a grand gesture of submission and Yuffie smiled at him relieved that he had given in so easily. She took a few steps towards him trustingly; it was her fatal mistake. In a flash of red Reno rose his arm again and released his fist, sending the raw egg hurdling in Yuffie's direction. She had no time to react; all she could do was stand in horror as the object homed in on her. She felt it strike her in the hip, resist for a second then break with a sickening crack, sending egg whites dripping all over her shorts. Her skin crawled as the gooey mess quickly made its way from the fabric and on to her bare leg and she glared at Reno who had readied another egg.

"Reno! Sh..." The word never made it out of her mouth, when pelted in the chest by another egg. Her hand instinctively flew to her chest and she groaned as it made contact with the slimy substance that now coated it. To Reno's surprise she growled lowly and raced to the counter, removing from it a large porcelain jar containing a white substance. She ripped off the lid and placed it firmly on the counter and grabbed the gray measuring cup that lay inside of it firmly in her hand. Then she deftly scooped up a large sum of the powder, turned and hurled it in Reno's direction, hoping to temporarily blind him as she made her next move. All thoughts of surrender had fled her mind replaced with the desire for revenge. It seemed to work for she could hear Reno's raspy curses and she stealthily made her way to his side, opening the refrigerator herself and removing a plastic container of chocolate pudding. By the time Reno opened his eyes to check if the strange dust done dissipated, Yuffie was again in front of him, this time holding the bowl firmly in left arm. In her right hand she held a large plastic spoon which emerged almost to its hilt in the brown substance.

Reno raised an eyebrow, "You wouldn't dare!" Reno challenged. He was quite a sight to behold. The front of his suit was also covered in flour, making it look almost frosty blue in spots, she took that moment to moved fast and before he knew it, a large splotch of pudding splattered against his chest. He growled softly and scooped as much of the mess as he could into his hand and hurled it back at her. She dodged it and returned fire, hitting him square in the nose. Instead of returning the gesture this time, Yuffie leapt on the counter behind her and threw another egg at him. It hit him in the jumped off but before she could turn around he used his superior speed and was once again behind her. His aim was slightly off this time and the egg hit the wall. She whirled on him and grinned maliciously. For several minutes pudding and eggs flew back and forth the small room, Reno usually hitting his target while to Yuffie's frustration he leapt around the kitchen, nimbly avoiding her shots.

She tried her luck again and flung the pudding with fury back at him, cursing to herself as he nimbly dodged each attack. He paused for a minute on top of the wooden table and stuck his tongue out at her. "Come on Yuffie. Don't tell me that's the best you've got!"

"Hold still!" Yuffie demanded as she dug into the bowl once more. She secured a mass of pudding on the spoon and raced towards him. Her foot came in contact with the remains of an egg however, and she felt her feet slide out from under her. Reno gasped and quickly dove off, hoping to catch her. He landed first and felt the wind go out of his lungs as his chest hit the floor. He laid there for a moment in shock when he felt something heavy land on top of his back, Yuffie. He rested his head against the cool tile floor and tried to regain his breath, happy that he hadn't failed her. He heard her gasp and lifted his head to see what was the matter splat. The container of pudding, which had flown out of her arms during her free fall crashed down upon his head, covering him in chocolate. Reno scowled and pushed Yuffie off of him gently and sat up beside, her trying his best to remove the gel like matter from his face.

"Oh turkey! hehehehe. You look ridicules!" Yuffie howled, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. His hair took most of the damage, which were now plastered, to his forehead. His face suffered only slightly better.

"I don't think it's so funny!" Reno argued sourly as he stared dumbfounded at his now bronze hands. He glared at her and his eyes lit up as an evil idea popped into his head. In one swift movement he had Yuffie's face between his hands and he deposited the sticky goo onto her cheeks, rubbing it in.

"Hey let me go!" Yuffie squealed and kicked her feet helplessly. The more she squirmed the more he smeared his hands over her, wiping them off on her arms and back, cackling the entire time. Finally when he was satisfied that Yuffie had enough he released her roughly causing her to fall backwards onto her elbows and grinned.

"I think I win."

"What in Gaia is going on in here? I thought I heard a crash!" Tifa flung open the door. Her mouth opened wide and she clutched the door frame firmly. She stared around her once immaculate kitchen in horror and then glared down at the culprits who were struggling to their feet sheepishly. "What have you done?"

"Um.. we had a little accident Tifa." Yuffie bowed her head and clasped her hands behind her back, waiting for Tifa's infamous wrath.

"An accident my foot! This place is a disaster!" It was true. Eggshells littered the floor and chocolate covered every surface. Only the table seemed to be unscathed.

"We're.. uh sorry Tifa?" Reno spoke up as well but it came out sounding more like a question.

"You'd better be sorry! " She scanned the now dirty counters, "Now I want both of you to get yourselves cleaned up, then march right back in here to clean this place up. I want it spotless do you understand me? Honestly!" Tifa shook her head and with one final glare in their direction huffed out of the kitchen, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Wow, I never realized what a scary woman Tifa could be." Reno asked staring at the door in awe.

Yuffie shook her head sadly. "She must have been really angry. See what you did turkey!"

"What I did? Don't pretend to be so innocent. You helped me!"

"Yeah, but I tried to talk you out of it remember? This is all your fault!"

"What? You can't be serious." Reno protested wide-eyed

Yuffie rolled her eyes, "You started it, so you're doing the majority of the cleaning! I'm going upstairs to take a shower."

Reno grabbed her arm and shook his head. "Hey, what about me? I'm worse off than you are"

Yuffie flung off his arm and huffed, "I don't care! You can clean off after I'm done. Haven't you heard of the saying 'ladies first'?"

A lustful look washed over Reno "Well, I guess since we both need a shower, why not both of us take one together?"

Yuffie looked at Reno wide-eyed, "Hell no, PERVERT!"

"I heard no complaints last night," Reno answered in trumpet before walking off while Yuffie stared with a blank look..

Yuffie snapped out of her shocked state and yelled "Like hell I'd let you touch me." She rushed upstairs smirking. " Hey, come back here so I can kick your ass."

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**I have to say that something like this happened to my best friend and I over thanksgiving break. The more I thought about it, this came to me about Reno and Yuffie. Hope I was able to give a good laugh. REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!REVIEW!**


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